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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28156443">This Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyrcgers/pseuds/spideyrcgers'>spideyrcgers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The West Wing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Janelle moleney, Taylor Swift - Freeform, The West Wing - Freeform, bradley whitford - Freeform, rob lowe - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 18:41:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28156443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyrcgers/pseuds/spideyrcgers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the even on Roslyn this fic explores what would have happened if things had gone differently between josh and donna after he came out of the hospital to the point they were forced to hide a relationship from their co workers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Josh Lyman &amp; Donna Moss, Josh Lyman &amp; Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman/Donna Moss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, please let me know if you are liking this and if you want more. I love y'all. This work is dedicated to @sambuckys_ on twitter :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donna knocked on Josh’s door with one hand while holding a jowl of warm soup on the other. She kept tapping her foot on the ground while waiting for either toby or Sam you come and open the door. A few seconds later Sam appeared on the door, smiling at her.  </p><p>“Foods here!” He yelled for the people inside to hear and the reached to get the bowl but donna pulled back quickly, smacking his hand. </p><p>“Not for you!” she said quickly. </p><p>“That’s not fair!” </p><p>“Says the guy that wasn’t shot.” She walked past him and took off her scar leaving it on the hanger behind the door. </p><p>Sam was helping her take off her coat while defending himself “You know I was still there; I was hurt-” when donna turned and looked at him, he pointed his heart and gazed her with shy eyes “right here” </p><p>She patted his chest “I’m sure you’ll get over it.” she smiled and made her way deeper in the house that she had spent an entire tying up so josh would come and find it clean. It felt good to know he was back at his house and out of the woods. She still feared for him but at least he was home. She stood by the side of the door that led to his room. Toby was sitting next to him and they were laughing about something. She hadn’t realized how much she loved his laughter until she almost lost it. Hell, she didn’t realize how much she cared about him until she almost lost him. A weird short of feeling was brewing in her chest, she couldn’t call it nostalgia or fear or relief, it was something in between but she swallowed it down, she was in expert in that by now, swallowing feelings, faking smiles just like she did when Josh looked up at her. </p><p>“Is that food?” Asked toby </p><p>“Not for you!” she said, leaving it at Josh’s night stand. He thanked her, his voice coming out weak and broken. He cleared his throat trying to make it sound stronger and healthier. He always did that, she thought. Trying to hide he vulnerabilities, of course he always failed at it all the same when she was around but she’d never tell him. “What were you guys laughing about?” </p><p>“Old and fine memories” said toby “from the campaign” </p><p>“I got old funny memories.” she said, sitting at the edge of the bed and leaning back a little, on the mattress “Remember the time you threw a ball through the window?” </p><p>“I wasn’t there for that” said josh, opening his fresh soup. </p><p>“You were too busy flirting with the interns” </p><p>He looked up instantly “That is not true!” he yelled in a high-pitched voice. “I was a very hard-working man- I think I was probably coming up with a new grand plan-” Toby scoffed and looked at his watch, Sam entered the room with a beer in his hands. Josh turned to him when he heard him coming in and donna saw his expression changing for the worst “Would you stop emptying my fridge?” </p><p>“It’s not like anyone else is gonna drink them until you get better. I’m doing you a favor-” </p><p>“You’re stealing my beers!” </p><p>“I’m saving them from the garbage.” </p><p>Toby turned at donna “Are you going to stay here?” </p><p>She nodded and he stood up “We got to go back to the big house. If you need anything let us know.” </p><p>“You too” said josh almost immediately. Donna jumped up in her feet pointing at the three boys. </p><p>“You won’t be helping them with anything!” </p><p>“Donna the country is not exactly going on vacation with me, alright? I have a job-” </p><p>“No!” she looked at toby “If you need anything, you call me first! Doctor said no stress.” </p><p>Toby and Sam laughed, no stress? In their job? Impossible. “whatever you say ma'am” said Sam </p><p>“I’m not kidding!” </p><p>“I wanna got back to the hospital” complained josh, leaning his head back </p><p>“Shut up you!” </p><p>“The nurses were kinder” </p><p>Donna took a deep breath in “I think it’s time for you two to go” </p><p>“Food was better too” </p><p>Sam and Toby were already gone. Donna turned to Josh; hands crossed in her hands “If you don’t like it you can die of hunger”  </p><p>Josh chuckled a little and continued with his soup. She could feel him glancing at her ones in a while she was turning the tiny table in his room to her new office. She had her back turned on him but she could every single one of his expressions by now. Right now, he was probably watching her with that half grin and his puppy eyes that always said so much more than his lips did.  </p><p>“Can I at least some water mean nurse?” </p><p>She left her papers on the table and got out of the room without saying anything and came up with his glass of water. She gave it to him, she tied up his night stand while he was drinking it so he could leave his new empty bowl on there. He watched her- </p><p>“You know, you don’t have to do this.” </p><p>“Hm?” she said, not looking back. </p><p>“You are my assistant, not my baby sitter, you can go home.” </p><p>“ok” she said simply, still not looking up.  </p><p>“Donna!” he said, calling her to finally loom up at him so she finally did. </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“You don’t have to be here.” </p><p>“And you don’t have to keep repeating it.” she said, taking his glass and leaving it on the night stand. She turned and went back to her new ‘office’, arranging her papers. Things he had to sign, things he had to read, things she thought were important. But she could feel him staring at her and so while working she said “Josh I'm not here because I think I have to, I’m here because you’re my friend and I want to help” </p><p>She expected him to shot back with another reason for her not to stay but instead his answer caught her off guard completely “You really thought I was flirting with all the interns?” she joked on her own breath, started coughing and clearing her throat like something was stuck there. She sat down, glancing at him for a second and then back at her papers. </p><p>“It was just a joke.” she said, gathering herself. God they were so good at this, flirting without flirting, asking questions and avoiding them at the same time. “sometimes” she added, not looking at him. Still, she knew, he was smiling. He heard him leaving the bowl on his night stand. Them he started huffing and puffing and making sounds with his mouth. God, was he annoying when he had nothing to do but she knew that if she played any attention to him, he would get louder and even more annoying so she kept staring at her papers. Despite the fact that she couldn’t really pay any attention to them either. </p><p>“What are you doing?” He asked her, dragging his voice a little. </p><p>“Working” </p><p>“I thought you weren’t here for work.” </p><p>“No, but I can multitask.” </p><p>“I wasn’t flirting” he said. She looked at him, confused. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I'm talking about the interns.” </p><p>“Josh we are over that.” </p><p>“I’m just a friendly boss.” </p><p>“I believe you.” </p><p>“I am a good boss, right?” </p><p>“Josh-” </p><p>“you would tell me if I wasn’t, right?” </p><p>“Are you going through an existential crisis?” </p><p>“I’m just asking questions.” </p><p>Donna tuned back at her papers. For a few moments everything was aright then- </p><p>“I’m bored” </p><p>“For god’s sake!” she exclaimed, leaning back at her chair. </p><p>“You wanna play chess.” </p><p>“josh you don’t have the patience needed to play a round of chess.” </p><p>“You don’t know that. I’m a very smart guy.” </p><p>“that moves around like a cat” </p><p>“Cats are smart.” </p><p>“Can’t play chess though, can they?” </p><p>He mimicked her and then reached for his glass and drank a little of his water “can I open the tv?” </p><p>“Sure” she shrugged. </p><p>Josh started zapping through the channels until he got on CNN. It took donna a while to realize what she was listening to but then she heard screams coming through the tv and raised her head, it was the even on Rosslyn caught on video. Her heart dropped, she turned at josh, his good mood was gone but his eyes were stuck on the screen, watching. There was something in between fear, pain and anger reflecting in his eyes but they still wouldn’t look away. She stood up and snatched the control from his hands, shutting down the tv. They both stood still for a while staring at the now black screen. Neither of them said anything. She tilted her head to look down at him, he was biting his lips, staring at the blackness. She hated seeing him like this, she wished she could help him. She left the control on the night stand, she was breathing loudly, her breath was getting quicker by every second that weird feeling from before was burning up her chest now and crawling up her neck. She tried to swallow it, she did, she thought she was an expert. Turns out she was wrong. One, two, three, four and more tears started slipping out her eyes, slowly, burning her cheeks. She sniffed her nose, trying to pull them back, save herself before he saw but then- </p><p>“Are you crying?” turns out he had heard her gulps and sniffs. She shook her head, closing her eyes and shaking her head while looking down “You are! You are crying-” </p><p>“I’m not!” she snapped and walked away to sit back in her little table! </p><p>“Donna!” He called. She wiped her eyes and sat down. No matter how hard she tried to keep it in, it seemed like the tears would just keep falling like raindrops on a storm. She leaned her head on her hands. By now the sight was comical because she was still trying to convince him that she was not crying. She wiped her tears time and time again and she would probably go on like this longer if he hadn’t tried to get up and groaned from pain. She got up immediately, helping him sit down again. </p><p>“ARE YOU INSANE?” She yelled, pulling the covers around him. He probably would have snapped back with a funny question too but something stopped him. She saw his expression getting serious again and then she felt his hand on hers, holding her fingers. She looked down in his eyes. </p><p>“Why are you crying?” </p><p>“I’m not-” </p><p>“Donna!” </p><p>She sighed and sat down next to him “Fine, I’m crying” </p><p>“No kidding” </p><p>“It’s nothing.” </p><p>“We never talked about it.” </p><p>“About what?” </p><p>“Rosalyn” he was still holding her hand. </p><p>“I don’t think we should.” </p><p>“I think we do. Hey- look at me. Donna?” </p><p>She looked at him with her red eyes and nose “what?”.  </p><p>He smiled a little and tried to move just a little closer “I’m ok.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“You are not rid of me yet.” he grinned, laughing a little. She did too. </p><p>“I know.” Donna rubbed her nose with her hand. They gazed at each other; he’d rub her hand with his finger. She cleared her throat and looked “I was really scared josh.” </p><p>“I know. So was I.” he looked down at their hands down and smiled “remember the first time we met?” </p><p>She laughed “See you don’t have the mental capacity to stay focused on one topic for longer than five seconds, and you wanna play chess?” </p><p>“Stop!” he chuckled “it’s not irrelevant.” </p><p>She looked up at him “I do remember it. You were a bit of a jerk.” </p><p>“in the best possible way though, right?” he grinned “I was thinking about that while I was dozed off on meds.” </p><p>“Dreaming?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You were dreaming about that. You can’t think when you are asleep.” </p><p>“it’s the same thing.” </p><p>“It’s not.” </p><p>“Point is- I was scared but then I was thinking of you and everyone else and it was easier.” </p><p>“Sam said you were talking about him before they out you in surgery. You were thinking of going to get him to join the team.” </p><p>“You make it sound like we are superheroes.” </p><p>“Aren’t we?” she asked “in a way. Trying to save the world.” she paused, thinking “from republicans.” </p><p>Josh laugh, so did she. Her tears had dried on her cheeks expect from one. Josh reached and wiped it off, a weird sort of silence followed between both of, she gulped and he stared at her eyes like he was staring right in her soul. He stroked her cheeks gently with back of his palm. “I'm sorry I gave you a scare.” </p><p>“It wasn’t your fault and anyway, it wasn’t just me. Everyone was scared.” </p><p>“They are not here though, are they?” he smiled “I can’t apologize to them right now.” </p><p>“Josh..” she whispered. Although she didn’t know what for, the mood had changed again to something she couldn’t describe.  </p><p>“I wasn’t flirting with the interns.” </p><p>“You said that already.” </p><p>“Not all of them at least” he said but she didn’t seem to get the hint. She looked down. </p><p>“Josh..” she laughed, looked down “you don’t have to explain, I just made a joke.” </p><p>“I know.” he said. “So, are you going to stay here?” </p><p>“CJ is supposed to come in a while too” </p><p>His hand fell from her cheek to her shoulder and he started massaging it. She automatically leaned her head on his hand while his did that she felt relaxed and she was so tired and exhausted and then it slipped “was so scared I lost you. When toby told me-” her eyes started hurting again burning but this time she was close to him. It wasn’t panic, it was fear finally being let out in sobs. He couldn’t move a lot but he reached to raise her chin up, so she’d look at him and then tried to pull her in his arms. He groaned as she laid close to him because he pressed his would a little, she started apologizing in panic but he just laughed because he knew it was alright and held her close to him while she cried away her fear and agony. They got comfortable next to each other like this was how it was always meant to be. He stoked her arm gently and she looked up at him, wondering what they were doing, wondering what was the point. </p><p>“I'm right here and I’ll be alright, I promise. We will be back in the office in no time.” </p><p>She gulped; her breath slowed down “I’m not sure I want to get back in the office.” </p><p>Josh did it quick, she didn’t see it coming but she didn’t exactly mind and she wasn’t exactly surprised either. She kissed him back, cupping his face, pulling him deeper in, he moved as much as he could, which wasn’t much but he held her as tight as possible while tasting her lips for the first time, a drug he had been dying to try for such a long time. They had spent so much time living in silent screams and wildest dreams and now finally they were next to each other and they would have gone on like this forever if it wasn’t for the doorbell. Donna jumped off his arms “It’s CJ-”</p>
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